I'm taking over my body - back in control, no more shotty. I bet a lot of me was lost, t's uncrossed and i's undotted. I fought it a lot, and it seems a lot like flesh is all I got. Not anymore. Flesh out the door, swat! I must've forgot - you can't trust me. I'm open a moment, and closed when you show it, and before you know it, I'm lost at sea. And now that I write and think about it and the story unfolds, you should take my life. You should take my soul.
You are surrounding all my surroundings; sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain. You are surrounding all my surroundings, twisting that kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes.
And I'll be holding on to you!
Remember the moment? You know exactly where you're going, 'cause the next moment, before you know it, time is slowing and it's frozen still, and your windowsill looks really nice, right? You think twice about your life. It probably happens at night, right? Fight it! Take the pain; ignite it! Tie a noose around your mind, loose enough to breathe fine, and tie it to a tree. Tell it, you belong to me! This ain't a noose, this is a leash, and I have news for you - you must obey me!
You are surrounding all my surroundings, sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain. You are surrounding all my surroundings, twisting that kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes.
Entertain my faith.
Lean with it, rock with it. When we gonna stop with it? Lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought. Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat? It ain't the speakers that bump hearts, it's our hearts that make the beat.
And I'll be holding on to you.Analysis
This song, though not explicitly, is about dependence on God to fight depression and suicide. It is the writer's fight to control his own mind and body. For the sake of this analysis, it is assumed that Tyler Joseph wrote this song.
This fight is shown in the very first line. ("Shotty" is short for shotgun, or riding shotgun in a car. It means he is not in control of the vehicle.) He says that while we was depressed and not in control of himself, he made mistakes - "a lot of me was lost, t's uncrossed and i's undotted."
He says that he tried to fight it, but "flesh" was all he got. The imagery in the music video supports this line. The shirtless bodies seeming to take control of Tyler in the video symbolize his flesh. "Flesh" is a biblical term that describes a person's sinful nature. For example, Ephesians 2:3 says, "Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest." This imagery in the music video depicted how Tyler's sin and depression was taking control and consuming his life.
Tyler then describes the way that he vacillates in his relationship with the subject of the song - God. He is unreliable and untrustworthy. This mental conflict is symbolized in the music video by Tyler's jerky, shaky movements. He doesn't know which way to go. He recognizes that he cannot commit to God in his own strength. He needs God to take his life, to take his soul, because Tyler cannot give it up willingly.
In the chorus, Tyler states that God is all around him, in everything he does and everywhere he goes. He says He is "sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain." The left side of the brain is considered to be the logical, analytical half of the brain. Tyler understands God - he knows all about Him in his head, but the knowledge has not reached his heart. He believes in God, but has a hard time fully putting his trust in Him. However, he has seen God in his life everywhere. This confuses Tyler; he doesn't know what to think or believe - as if he is looking through a constantly twisted kaleidoscope.
However, through all of this, Tyler holds on to his faith in God. He relies on Him to keep him alive.
In the second verse, Tyler addresses a peer, a fellow suicidal person. He describes the feeling of depression and empathizes with his listener. Then he gives his listener some advice: don't give in. Take control of your mind; don't let it kill itself. Instead of being enslaved to your mind, enslave your mind! 2 Corinthians 10:5b says, "We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This is symbolized in the music video by Tyler's "tug of war" with his flesh, using a noose. Finally the rope breaks, freeing him from suicide and his flesh.
The ballerina in music video represents death. She is beautiful and appealing. Even after the noose around Tyler's neck breaks, he still struggles with the desire for death.
In the bridge, Tyler pleads with God to accept his feeble yet genuine faith. As stated in the first verse, he knows that his faith is not strong. Still he begs God to "entertain his faith," to accept it no matter what state it is in.
Lastly, Tyler takes a stab at the thoughtless entertainment of our culture. Music should be used to provoke thought and discover things about ourselves and others. Music is a tool, not an entity. People should not be told to listen to certain types of music - it is people that make music and decide what to listen to. This song, Holding On To You, is an example of music that provokes thought, teaches others about the perspective of a suicidal person, and gives insight into how to overcome this depression.
P.S. The music video makes a reference to another one of Twenty One Pilots' songs, Guns for Hands.
Keep listening. Keep thinking.
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